Private Practice...so traumatic

So, I am caught up on Private Practice. I had heard that the latest one was very traumatic and intense and boy was it ever! I have to say that for me it was very traumatic! For those of you that read my blog posts I am sure that ya'll read my previous one about being in an abusive relationship. I have had the s*** beat out of me and was left bumped and bruised, thank GOD I was not raped! I can't imagine what rape victims go through, the violation they feel. I have to say that the way the actress described what it feels like when you are being hit over and over and over again was accurate....you don't picture anything else other than wondering if you are going to live through what is going on. If you are reading my post and are being abused, leave me a comment or email me at pmp508@msn.com, so I can help you.. there is hope and you don't deserve to be in the situation you are in!

Here is my previous post if you have not seen it:

I don't know why, but I have been thinking about my past lately. All the mistakes, the happiness, the regrets, the sadness, the fear, and now I am ready to let it all go. This is a true story about me, one I hope that no one has to go through: In my 34 years I feel like I have been through so much. Much more than others, especially when it comes to relationships. When I was 19 I had dated a guy for about a year, became engaged, only to find out that he was seeing his ex girlfriend and sleeping with her behind my back. I found this out the day she was killed in a car accident, the same day I broke up with him the first time. After a couple of months, we started talking and things started to get serious again. About 3 months into our relationship things started changing for the worst again. He was very verbally abusive, not physically abusive yet................

One afternoon we got home from shopping at the mall and he was severely pissed at me for not buying stuff for him on my credit card (I knew that he would never pay me back and it wasn't worth ruining my credit over). He proceeded to yell and call me every name known to man to where I felt like a spec of dirt that had been trampled on. When I tried to convince him to wait and talk after he had calmed down, he lost it. I tried to grab my keys and he bit my upper arm. He then proceeded to beat me continuously over the head. I always swore that if a man ever hit me that I would fight back, but by this point, all I wanted to do was cover my face so it wasn't bashed in. I blacked out, not remembering much after the first several blows to my face and head. The next thing I remember is his sister pulling me out of the car and trying to calm her brother down while making sure that I was OK. By this point it took his mom, sister, and grandmother to keep him from hurting me anymore. I jumped in my car and got home, not knowing the severity of my injuries and not being able to feel them from all the adrenaline pulsing through me at the point of his fists impact.

When I got home I was hysterical. I tried to compose myself before going inside, knowing that my mom and sister would immediately see me and know that something bad had happened. As soon as I got in I immediately told my little sister who in turn told my mom. My mom was livid, I mean you do all you can to keep your child protected and here I am bruised and battered. We called the Mesquite police and they sent an officer over who took a report. The next morning I was contacted by a Mesquite Detective and I went in the same afternoon to fill out an affidavit about the whole incident. I also had pictures of all my bumps and bruises taken to use as evidence. I just kept replaying the whole incident through my head and asking myself questions: Why didn't I hit back? Why did I let him do this to me? Why me? It took all I had to even get out of bed and go in public for several weeks, only to face the fear of looking him in the eye if we ran into each other. For all I knew he would kill me next time. After all, how many times had he verbally abused me to the point that I was in fetal position on the floor, scared for my life, without him even laying a finger on me.

He did follow me on many occasions. I always stayed with one of my good friends who lived minutes from the hospital I was working at and he showed up one evening unannounced wanting to see me. I was scared to death. I had no time to leave or escape, so I went to the closet and my friend put all her dirty laundry on me to where I was totally covered. Luckily, Brian, before we were married, and Kevin were there hanging out. He barged in the apartment not caring who was there or who he was going to hurt. He just wanted me! He was yelling "Where is she? Where is that bitch? I will find her and it will not be a good thing!" At that moment I pretty much stopped breathing, I could not let him find me. Luckily, he left and I was scared to death of what was to come. Brian followed me home to my apartment, which my ex did not know existed, and hung out until I was sane enough to be alone. A few weeks after that the same thing happened again, but this time I was able to get out of the apartment to hide upstairs and I watched my ex act like a psycho path trying to find me again. Luckily, Brian and Kevin were there again and all was fine. I reported all of the surprise visits to the detective and he issued a restraining order for my ex to stay away ( I know this is just a piece of paper, but somehow it made me feel a little safer)

About a month after the last incident of him showing up unannounced, he showed up at the dance club that my friends and I always hung out at. His friend happened to be there and saw my friend and I. We started talking and he asked to dance, so of course I said yes (I never turn down dancing), and the next thing I know my ex is in between his friend and me. My heart was pounding so fast that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. One of my friends that was a bouncer for the club was up in my exes face before I could blink and he had him immediately escorted out. After this incident I was done. I couldn't live in fear anymore.

My ex was arrested that night and spent several days in jail. He was in shock that I would even call the police and file a report, much less have him arrested.

Years have gone by and I know that he is married with kids. I know that he still plays the drums with his band................I know this because I ran into him about 2 years ago at one of my friends nephews gigs. It was a scary moment, my heart racing and all the emotions coming back to me from those horrible moments in my life. He did recognize me and Brian. He came over and politely said how sorry he was for all he put me through, for all he put my whole family through, and for making me live in fear. Maybe he has changed, but I know that I am not sticking around to find out. God Bless his wife and kids that they don't go through what he put me through. I have to say that I think about this incident often. I pray daily that my own daughters never have to go through this. It was one of the most horrific things that I have ever experienced.

Hugs to you all!

MEL